“Why Is My Teen So Difficult?” A San Diego Family Therapist’s Guide to Reconnecting

A mom helps her teenage daughter with homework, demonstrating the importance of family therapy at La Jolla Therapy Center to support families reduce conflict in the home.

If it feels like you're constantly tiptoeing around your teen—waiting for the next blow-up or shutdown—you’re not alone.

Parents across San Diego and La Jolla often come into therapy saying:

“We’re trying everything, but nothing works.”

“We barely talk anymore unless it’s an argument."

“I’m exhausted and confused. What happened to the kid I used to know?”

It’s not that you’re not trying. Between work, home, and life responsibilities, most parents are stretched thin. You want peace. You want connection. But instead, your teen pushes you away—or lashes out.

Let’s talk about why it feels this hard—and how you can start to shift the dynamic.

Teens Can Be Two People at Once

Many parents tell me their teen is just fine at school or with coaches, but at home? Total disaster. How is this possible?

Teens often “keep it together” all day in the outside world, only to release all the stress, anxiety, and overwhelm once they’re home. And unfortunately, that often lands on you.

It’s not fair—but it’s common. You’re their safest person, and that means you sometimes get the messy version of them.

This isn’t about disrespect. It’s often a sign they’re emotionally overloaded and don’t know how to cope.

1. Stay Curious, Not Controlling

Instead of asking, “Why are they acting like this?” try, “What’s underneath this behavior?”

A teen who’s shutting you out might be overwhelmed. A teen who’s yelling might be anxious. A teen who’s ignoring your rules might be craving more autonomy.

When you shift from control to curiosity, connection becomes possible again.

2. Validate the Feeling, Even If the Behavior Isn’t Okay

Your teen doesn’t need you to agree with them—they need to feel understood.

Try this:

• “You seem really frustrated. I want to understand.”

• “I hear that this is hard for you. Let’s take a break and talk later.”

• “It’s okay to be upset. It’s not okay to be disrespectful.”

  
  

Validation isn’t weakness—it’s regulation. It lowers the emotional heat so conversations don’t turn into explosions.

3. Change Your Language

The way we talk to ourselves matters. Try a simple internal reframe of "my teen is difficult" to "my teen is going through something difficult." If your teen seems more angry, withdrawn, or unmotivated than usual, something else might be going on.

It could be:

• Anxiety

• Social stress

• Burnout from school or sports

• Depression

• Feeling disconnected from you—but not knowing how to say it

  
  

Behavior is often communication. Therapy can help teens figure out what they’re feeling and how to express it more constructively.

4. You’re Not a Bad Parent—You’re Burned Out and Out of Ideas

You’ve probably tried the consequences, the rewards, the heartfelt talks. And if it still feels like nothing’s working? That doesn’t mean you’re failing.

It means you—and your teen—need new tools.

At La Jolla Therapy Center, we help San Diego families move from power struggles to communication. From survival mode to actual connection.

We work with:

✅ Teens who feel overwhelmed, anxious, or shut down

✅ Parents who are tired, confused, and ready for a new approach

✅ Families who want more peace at home—but aren’t sure how to get there

Final Thoughts: It’s Not Too Late to Reconnect

Even if your teen feels a million miles away, the door to connection is still open. If things are tense at home and you feel like you're walking on emotional landmines, therapy can help your family rebuild trust and calm.

📍 Serving San Diego, La Jolla, Del Mar, Carmel Valley, and online throughout California.

📞 Contact La Jolla Therapy Center today to schedule your free consultation.

Let’s help you and your teen feel more connected—and a little less exhausted.Our San Diego, California based counseling practice specializes in helping teens and adults who struggle with anxiety. Through counseling, we help kids and young adults overcome the negative thought cycles, the constant comparison game, and worst-case scenarios that accompany the anxious brain. Additionally, we offer other mental health services, primarily for perfectionists, overachievers or others who don’t feel like they 100% fit in. More specifically we offer treatment for anxiety/OCD, and depression at La Jolla Therapy Center. If you don’t live around San Diego or the commute makes in-person therapy impossible, all of our services are available via online therapy to anyone physically located in California. Therefore, we work with clients from Sacramento to Palo Alto or even Mountain View. You and your family deserve to finally feel less overwhelmed. Get started today by scheduling your free phone consultation with a member of our team here.