
Raising an anxious child is not for the faint of heart. One moment you’re negotiating bedtime like a hostage situation, and the next, you’re Googling “Why does my child cry when they see balloons?” Add a partner who may not share your exact parenting philosophy, and things can feel less like a family sitcom and more like a reality show with a very dramatic cast.
But don’t worry—you’ve got this. Whether your child is melting down because their socks feel “weird” or your partner is insisting that “tough love builds character,” you can tackle these challenges with a mix of empathy, strategy, and, of course, humor. Let’s dive into the whirlwind world of parenting an anxious child—and managing the disagreements that often come with it.
Step 1: Understand Anxiety (Spoiler Alert!: It’s Not Logical)
The first thing to know about childhood anxiety is that it doesn’t care about logic. If your anxious child is scared of let’s say, giraffes, don’t waste your breath explaining how they live thousands of miles away in Africa. To your child, the giraffe might as well be hiding in the closet, waiting to strike.
Instead of trying to rationalize their fears away, validate them. For example:
Wrong response: “There’s no reason to be scared of a school project! It’s not a big deal.”
Better response: “I can see this is really stressing you out. Let’s figure it out together.”
Remember, what seems like a small issue to you feels like the end of the world to your child. Trying to logic your way out of their anxiety is like trying to argue with a raccoon—it’s pointless most of the time and might end with someone crying.
Step 2: Strategies to Help Your Child (And Avoid Your Own Meltdown)
Once you’ve accepted that anxiety doesn’t play by the rules, it’s time to arm yourself with tools to help your child. Here’s what works:
The Validation Station
When your child’s anxiety flares up, start by acknowledging their feelings. A simple “I see you’re feeling nervous, and that’s okay” can go a very long way to an anxious child. Just don’t overdo it—you’re aiming for “calm parent,” not “Oscar-winning performance in a drama.”
Teach Coping Skills
Breathing exercises are great, but selling them to a kid or teenager can be tricky. Frame it as a game: “Let’s pretend we’re blowing up a balloon!” Or, if your child has a flair for the dramatic, try: “Breathe in like you’re sniffing a flower, and out like you’re blowing out birthday candles!” Model and do the exercise with your child or teen. Provide positive rewards or earning privileges for practicing. Bonus: you can practice this too when your partner insists anxiety is solved by “letting kids tough it out.”
Pick Your Battles
Your child doesn’t want to wear socks because they feel “weird”? Fine—let them go sockless. But skipping school because of a spelling test or a project? That’s a no-go. Parenting an anxious child often involves balancing empathy with boundaries, which is about as easy as balancing on a tightrope while juggling flaming torches.
Model Calm Behavior
If your child sees you panicking, they’ll panic too and probably even worse. So when they’re screaming because the toothpaste “tastes too minty,” channel your inner Zen master. Inside, you might be screaming, “It’s just toothpaste!” but outside, you’re saying, “Let’s find a different flavor together.” (And then pour yourself a coffee. Or a glass of wine. You’ve earned it.)
Step 3: Managing Parenting Disagreements Without Turning Into WrestleMania
Here’s the thing: when it comes to parenting, everyone thinks their way is the “right” way. Maybe you believe in empathy and understanding, while your partner is waving the flag of “tough love.” Cue the inevitable clash.
But before you launch into “You always undermine me!” mode, try these tips:
Talk When the Kids Aren’t Around
Never hash out disagreements in front of your child. It’s like putting on a free reality show for them, and trust me, they’ll watch every episode. Instead, wait until bedtime (if they ever go to bed) and have a calm discussion.
Focus on Shared Goals
At the end of the day, both you and your partner want the same thing: for your child to grow into a happy, healthy human who doesn’t cry at the sight of balloons. Keep this shared goal in mind during disagreements.
Compromise Like Pros
If your partner wants to push your child to face their fears, and you think they need more support, meet in the middle. For example, if your child is scared of dogs, you could start by looking at pictures of dogs together before jumping into a playdate with Fido.
Use Humor to Break the Tension
If your partner suggests something you think is completely bonkers, try responding with humor instead of frustration. For example: “Oh, so you think they’ll stop being scared if we just drop them in a room full of clowns? Interesting parenting philosophy, honey.”
Step 4: Laugh, or You’ll Cry
Parenting an anxious child can feel overwhelming, but finding humor in the chaos can help you survive. For example:
• When your child refuses to eat spaghetti because “the noodles look too wiggly,” remind yourself that someday this will make a hilarious story at their wedding.
• When your partner says, “Kids just need to toughen up,” and you reply, “Okay, then YOU go tell them the giraffes aren’t real,” enjoy the moment.
Sometimes, laughter is the best way to keep your cool.
Step 5: Seek Help When Needed (No Shame!)
If your child’s anxiety feels like it’s running the show—causing them to avoid school, activities, or basic hygiene—it might be time to call in reinforcement. A therapist can give your child the tools they need to manage their anxiety and, bonus, help you and your partner get on the same page.
Parenting is already hard work and parenting an anxious child can make it more challenging, especially when you and your partner don’t always agree. But with patience, communication, consistency, and a healthy dose of humor, you can create a supportive environment where your child feels understood and loved.
So the next time your child has a meltdown over socks or your partner suggests “just letting them figure it out,” take a deep breath, crack a joke, and remember: you’re in this together. And if all else fails, there’s always coffee. Or wine. Or chocolate. You’ve got this—quirks, conflicts, and all.
Our San Diego, California based counseling practice specializes in helping teens and adults who struggle with anxiety. Through counseling, we help kids and young adults overcome the negative thought cycles, the constant comparison game, and worst-case scenarios that accompany the anxious brain. Additionally, we offer other mental health services, primarily for perfectionists, overachievers or others who don’t feel like they 100% fit in. More specifically we offer treatment for anxiety/OCD, and depression at La Jolla Therapy Center. If you don’t live around San Diego or the commute makes in-person therapy impossible, all of our services are available via online therapy to anyone physically located in California. Therefore, we work with clients from Sacramento to Palo Alto or even Mountain View. You and your family deserve to finally feel less overwhelmed, so let’s get started!
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