How to Help Your Child Transition Back to School After Summer: A Therapist’s Guide for Parents
- Kelly McCullough, LCSW
- Aug 4
- 6 min read
“My child is already melting down about school starting again.”
“She was fine all summer—and now she’s crying every night before bed.”
“He says he hates school and refuses to go back.”
If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone. As a child and teen therapist specializing in anxiety, I’ve worked with countless families—especially high-achieving parents with very bright, capable kids—who struggle when navigating the emotional rollercoaster that comes with the back-to-school transition.
Whether your child is entering kindergarten or middle school, returning after summer can spark intense anxiety. For kids who feel pressure to succeed (whether it comes from school, sports, or an internal drive to be "perfect"), the shift from summer freedom to school routines can feel like an emotional tsunami.
In this blog, we’ll explore why back-to-school anxiety happens, how it shows up in kids, and what parents—especially those who want to do everything right—can do to support their child’s emotional health without reinforcing anxiety.
Why Kids Get Anxious About Going Back to School
Even high-performing or “easygoing” children can struggle with the transition back to school. And for kids who are naturally sensitive, perfectionistic, or anxious, this shift can be just that much harder.
Common sources of back-to-school anxiety include:
Fear of the unknown (new teacher, classmates, or schedule)
Pressure to succeed academically or socially
Worries about being separated from parents after a more connected summer
Difficulty with change or adjusting to structure
Negative past school experiences (bullying, academic struggles, social exclusion)
Kids often don’t say, “I’m feeling anxious.” Instead, anxiety may show up as:
Tantrums or emotional outbursts before school
Irritability, a chronic case of the grumps, or constantly feeling on edge
Sleep problems (difficulty falling asleep, nightmares, early waking)
Physical complaints (stomachaches, headaches, nausea)
Withdrawing or refusing to talk about school
Perfectionism or avoidance around homework and performance
These aren’t “bad behaviors”—they’re anxiety symptoms. And your child’s resistance is likely rooted in fear, not defiance.
What Parents Can Do to Help
1. Validate Their Feelings While Reinforcing Confidence
Anxious kids—especially those who put pressure on themselves to do well—often need reassurance that their feelings are valid and that they’re capable of handling discomfort.
Say things like:
“It’s okay to feel nervous. That doesn’t mean you can’t do it.”
“A lot of kids feel worried before school starts. And guess what? You don’t have to feel 100% ready to be brave.”
“You’ve done hard things before—and you can do this, too.”
When you validate emotions without trying to “fix” or eliminate them, you’re teaching your child one of the most powerful emotional regulation skills: resilience.
2. Use a Predictable Countdown to Ease Into the School Year
Structure helps anxious kids feel safe. Create a visual or verbal countdown to the first day of school that includes both fun and functional elements.
For example:
7 days before: Shop for school supplies together
5 days before: Practice the school morning routine (wake-up time, breakfast, backpack prep)
3 days before: Visit the school or drive by to re-familiarize them with the environment
1 day before: Review the plan for drop-off and after-school pickup
Letting your child know what to expect reduces uncertainty and helps their nervous system prepare for change.
3. Start Adjusting the School Routine Early
During the summer, most families relax routines around sleep, meals, and screen time. But anxious children thrive with structure—especially when it’s consistent.
To ease the transition:
Begin waking your child up earlier in 15–30 minute increments
Shift meals and snacks to align with the school day
Gradually reduce screen time, especially in the evenings
Reinstate bedtime rituals (bath, reading, quiet connection) that support healthy sleep
These small shifts give your child’s body and brain time to adjust before the first day hits.
4. Focus on Emotional Connection Over Performance
Parents who are high-achieving often want their kids to thrive—and it’s easy to fall into a mindset of prepping for academic success. But when a child is anxious, the most effective preparation is emotional connection.
Carve out 1:1 time with your child that’s not about grades, schedules, or “are you ready?” questions.
Ideas:
Play a card game or build Legos together
Go for a walk or bike ride
Cuddle and talk about what they’re excited for (or nervous about)
When kids feel emotionally safe, they’re more likely to take on challenges independently.
Pro Tip: Keep this regularly scheduled, 1:1 fun activity time going througout the school year (regardless of your child's age). These consistent opportunities to connect will help your child emotionally regulate throughout the school year.
5. Help Your Child Identify and Work Through Specific Worries
If your child says, “I don’t want to go back to school,” dig deeper. Are they afraid of being left out? Worrying about a new teacher? Scared of failing?
Ask gentle, open-ended questions like:
“What’s the part about school that you’re feeling most worried about?”
“Is there something we can do together to help that feel easier?”
“If that worry came true, what could you do? What would I do?”
Teaching your child to name, explore, and problem-solve anxiety is a skill that supports them far beyond the classroom.
6. Create a Comfort Plan for the School Day
Even when you can’t be with your child during school, you can equip them with emotional tools that help them feel grounded.
Ideas for a “transition toolkit”:
A small token from home (keychain, note, bracelet)
Deep breathing strategies (blowing bubbles, “square breathing”)
Positive affirmations: “I’m safe,” “I can handle this,” “Mom is proud of me”
A comforting lunchbox note or drawing
Pre-discussed “calm corner” strategies if their school offers one
These tools help kids manage stress and anxiety without relying on constant adult reassurance.
7. Set the Tone With Calm and Consistency
Children take their emotional cues from you. If you’re feeling anxious, rushed, or frustrated about school prep, your child will sense it.
Set the tone with:
Calm, consistent routines
Predictable drop-off and pick-up plans
Short and sweet goodbyes (even if they’re hard)
Honest but encouraging talk: “You might feel nervous this week—and that’s okay. We’ll get through it together.”
Your calm is your child’s anchor.
8. When to Seek Professional Help for Back-to-School Anxiety
If your child’s anxiety about school is causing major disruptions in sleep, appetite, friendships, or family functioning—it may be time to seek support from a licensed child or teen therapist.
Therapy for school anxiety can help children and teens:
Develop coping skills and self-soothing techniques
Reframe perfectionistic or catastrophic thoughts
Work through school-related trauma or fears
Practice gradual exposure to anxiety triggers in a safe environment
Therapists trained in CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy), exposure therapy, or parent-child interaction therapy can be incredibly effective in helping families navigate these transitions.
Final Thoughts: Your Child’s Back-to-School Anxiety Is a Sign—Not a Deficiency
Whether your child is a high-achiever afraid of failing, a perfectionist who doesn’t want to mess up, or simply struggling with change—back-to-school anxiety is normal.
And with the right combination of structure, connection, and support, your child can build confidence and resilience for the school year ahead.
As a therapist who works with anxious kids, teens, and their high-performing families, I know how deeply you care. You want your child to succeed—not just academically, but emotionally. And that’s where therapy can help.
Our San Diego, California based counseling practice specializes in helping teens and adults who struggle with anxiety. Through counseling, we help kids and young adults overcome the negative thought cycles, the constant comparison game, and worst-case scenarios that accompany the anxious brain. Additionally, we offer other mental health services, primarily for perfectionists, overachievers or others who don’t feel like they 100% fit in. More specifically we offer treatment for anxiety/OCD, and depression at La Jolla Therapy Center. If you don’t live around San Diego or the commute makes in-person therapy impossible, all of our services are available via online therapy to anyone physically located in California. Therefore, we work with clients from Sacramento to Palo Alto or even Mountain View. You and your family deserve to finally feel less overwhelmed. Get started today by scheduling your free phone consultation with a member of our team here.
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