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Why College Acceptance is Stressing Out Your Middle Schooler (And Why You Shouldn’t Freak Out Either)

Christina Faddoul-Lucero, LMFT
Teens nervously check which colleges they were accepted to through their online portal, indicating the importance of anxiety therapy at La Jolla Therapy Center to help support teens through this stressful time period.
Teens nervously check which colleges they were accepted to through their online portal, indicating the importance of anxiety therapy to help support teens through this stressful time period.

Ah, middle school. That magical time when braces, awkward growth spurts, and a mysterious new obsession with trendy sneakers dominate your child’s life. You’d think their biggest worries would revolve around acing gym class, avoiding cafeteria mystery meat, or surviving the next TikTok dance craze. Yet, here they are, biting their nails and Googling, “How to get into Harvard with a B in 6th-grade math.”


Yes, your middle schooler is stressed about college acceptance. Let that sink in. They’re 12 years old, still think ketchup counts as a vegetable, and are panicking over a future dorm room they won’t see for another six years. What gives?


Let’s break down why your middle schooler is already carrying the weight of Ivy League expectations on their tiny, backpacked shoulders—and how you can help them laugh off some of that pressure.


1. The “Tiger Parent” Vibes Are Everywhere


Even if you’re the most laid-back parent in the PTA, your middle schooler is still soaking in a world saturated with academic pressure. “What extracurriculars will look good on my resume?” isn’t just an adult problem anymore; it’s become playground chatter.


Blame it on the neighbor kid who’s already coding apps, the cousin who’s the reigning spelling bee champion, or that one overachieving classmate who just launched their first YouTube science channel. Your child might feel like they’re falling behind in the race to future success, even though their “resume” currently includes Minecraft achievements and solid PB&J-making skills.


Pro Tip: The next time your child starts spiraling about their “lack of achievements,” gently remind them that no college admissions board has ever rejected someone for not winning a robotics competition at age 11. Bonus points if you share an embarrassing story about yourself at their age—like the time you glued your hand to a diorama.


2. Social Media Makes Everything Look Scarier


Instagram, TikTok, and YouTube aren’t just places for your kid to learn trendy dances or discover obscure cat memes. They’re also home to a new breed of content creators: “Academic Flexers”. These kids are posting about their 4.8 GPAs, perfect SAT scores, and side hustles as teen entrepreneurs.


For your middle schooler, it’s like scrolling through an endless highlight reel of unattainable goals. “If I don’t start my nonprofit by 8th grade,” they think, “I’ll never make it to Stanford.” Never mind the fact that they’re still figuring out how commas work.


Pro Tip: Sit down with your kid and binge-watch a lighthearted show about middle schoolers being normal middle schoolers—ones who trip in gym class, write bad poetry, and survive on a steady diet of awkwardness and pizza. Bonus points if you can laugh at how wildly unrealistic those teen dramas are. (Seriously, who looks like that in middle school?!)


3. The Myth of the Perfect College Path


Somewhere along the way, your middle schooler picked up the idea that life is a linear path:


1. Get straight A’s in middle school.
2. Get into advanced classes in high school.
3. Get accepted to the perfect college.
4. ???
5. Money!

This myth creates an all-or-nothing mentality. If they mess up now—by, say, forgetting to turn in their geography homework or accidentally calling their teacher “Mom”—then clearly their entire future is doomed. Never mind the countless adults who change majors, change careers, or change their minds daily.


Pro Tip: Take your middle schooler on a tour of your own winding path. Tell them about your less-than-stellar moments (like that time you worked at the mall food court) and reassure them that no one’s path is as straight as their geometry homework.


4. The School System Is Feeding the Frenzy


Between honors programs, gifted tracks, and college-prep vocabulary words sneaking into 7th-grade spelling lists, schools have a way of turning up the pressure. And let’s not forget those well-meaning but anxiety-inducing career assessments:


“According to this quiz, I’m destined to be an accountant. Is that enough for Princeton?”

It doesn’t help that teachers and counselors occasionally throw in phrases like “It’s never too early to start thinking about college!” Sure, that’s true, but maybe let the kids master basic hygiene before handing them a Common App tutorial.


Pro Tip: Whenever your middle schooler gets overly serious about their “life plan,” counter with the most absurd alternate future you can imagine. (“Oh no, what if you’re destined to become a professional marshmallow roaster? Better start practicing now!”) Laughter is a great antidote to overthinking.


5. Parents (Accidentally) Add to the Pressure


Let’s be real: even the chillest parent has moments of panic about their child’s future. Maybe you casually mentioned how impressive so-and-so’s kid is or asked about their grades one too many times. Even your proudest parenting moments—like hanging their “Student of the Month” certificate on the fridge—can inadvertently make them feel like they have to keep up the streak.


Your middle schooler is like a sponge, and they’ve probably picked up on your occasional stress about their future, even if you didn’t mean to share it.


Pro Tip: Shift the focus from achievements to experiences. Ask about the funniest part of their day or what they’re excited to try next, instead of diving straight into grades or test scores. It’ll help remind them that being a kid is about living, not just achieving.


6. The Fear of the Unknown Is Real


College is this mythical place your middle schooler has only seen in movies. To them, it’s a mix of intimidating professors, endless homework, and terrifying roommates. And don’t even get them started on the cost—they might not know what a mortgage is, but they’ve overheard enough adults grumbling about tuition to be scared.


For many middle schoolers, stressing about college is less about academic ambition and more about fear of the unknown.


Pro Tip: Normalize the idea that college isn’t the only path to success—and that success doesn’t have to happen on a strict timeline. Also, reassure them that there’s plenty of time to figure things out. Six years is an eternity in middle school years. (Remember how long the summer between 7th and 8th grade felt?)


The Bottom Line


Your middle schooler doesn’t need a five-year plan, a polished resume, or a list of college preferences just yet. What they do need is permission to be a kid: to make mistakes, try new things, and discover what they’re passionate about without the weight of the world on their shoulders.


So, the next time they start hyperventilating about college acceptance, take a deep breath—and then crack a joke about how you were still eating Lunchables in high school. After all, laughter might just be the best antidote to Ivy League anxiety.



If you find that your child is developing anxiety due to school, college, and academic pressure and it is impairing their functioning, you may want to seek professional help from a therapist that can support both your child and you in managing their anxiety. 


Our San Diego, California based counseling practice specializes in helping teens and adults who struggle with anxiety. Through counseling, we help kids and young adults overcome the negative thought cycles, the constant comparison game, and worst-case scenarios that accompany the anxious brain. Additionally, we offer other mental health services, primarily for perfectionists, overachievers or others who don’t feel like they 100% fit in. More specifically we offer treatment for anxiety/OCD, and depression at La Jolla Therapy Center. If you don’t live around San Diego or the commute makes in-person therapy impossible, all of our services are available via online therapy to anyone physically located in California. Therefore, we work with clients from Sacramento to Palo Alto or even Mountain View. You and your family deserve to finally feel less overwhelmed, so let’s get started!

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