Parenting a Depressed Teen

Mother and teenage son share a moment of joy. La Jolla Therapy Center can help you support your teenager and improve your relationship.

By A Therapist Who’s Had Caffeine, Clients, and Closets Full of Feelings

It was 2:12 p.m. on a Tuesday when I found myself sitting cross-legged in my office closet. Not for a mindfulness exercise or to search for a missing fidget toy, but because a 16-year-old client had just said, "I know you’re a therapist and everything, but I don't think adults understand depression at all. Most of you think we're just being dramatic."

Then he shrugged and went back to playing with the fidgets I keep on the table for exactly these moments.

I smiled calmly on the outside, said something validating and wise—then promptly took a closet break after he left. Because he wasn’t wrong.

Parents, hear me out: Your teen isn’t dramatic. And you’re not clueless. You’re just navigating a mental health maze while trying to keep them fed, educated, and only moderately obsessed with their phone. It’s a lot.

Let’s talk about some real, actionable steps you can take to help your depressed teen.

First: Understand What Teen Depression Actually Looks Like

Teenagers are emotional by design. But depression is different. It's not just being “moody” or sleeping in on weekends. It's like someone hit the dimmer switch on their entire life.

Your once chatty kid might now communicate in grunts. The honor roll student starts failing chemistry. The soccer lover suddenly has zero interest in lacing up cleats. Clinical adolescent depression is a different kind of animal than your typical teenage rebellion.

What does that mean for you? Well, it means you might see:

• Withdrawal from friends or activities

• Sudden irritability (think door slamming)

• A drop in school performance

• Fatigue, changes in sleep or appetite

• Hopelessness or comments like “What’s the point?”

  
  

If you're seeing these things, trust your gut. You don’t need to wait until things are “bad enough.” Getting help early is like catching a leak before it floods the basement.

My Closet Break (A Real Story)

Back to my office closet. That teen client was dealing with depression, but his parents were convinced he just needed “a stricter routine and less time on Twitch.”

My client told me he didn’t want to talk to his mom because every time he opened up, she either panicked (“Do we need to go to the ER??”) or tried to fix it (“Have you tried hot yoga?”). He felt unheard, overwhelmed, and more alone than before.

So I sat in the closet, thinking about all the well-meaning parents I’d seen who desperately wanted to help their kids—but were accidentally making things worse.

My client eventually improved. Not because I had magic therapist powers, but because in family therapy we were able to help his mom start listening—really listening—without interrupting, correcting, or problem-solving. She gave him space and support. And, yes, she kept him coming to see a therapist. (Shoutout to me.)

Here’s What You Can Actually Do to Help

1. Channel Your Inner Emotion Sponge (Not Fix-It Felix)

Your teen doesn't need a motivational speaker. They need someone who can sit next to them in the emotional mud and say, "Yeah, this sucks. I’m here."

Try: “I hear you. That sounds really hard.” Instead of: “Why don’t you just go outside and get some sunshine?”

Validation is magic. It builds trust. Trust builds communication. And communication is the bridge to everything else.

2. Therapy Isn’t Defeat. It’s Strategy.

If your child broke their arm, you’d go to a doctor. Depression is no different. Seeing a therapist doesn’t mean you failed—it means you’re doing everything in your power to help them heal.

And no, therapy isn't just “talking about feelings.” It can include cognitive strategies, coping tools, and (sometimes) referrals to psychiatrists if medication is appropriate.

Pro tip: Let your teen be involved in picking the therapist. Giving them agency in this process makes them more likely to engage.

3. Keep Expectations Realistic (No, They’re Not Writing a Gratitude Journal Tonight)

I once had a parent say, “I told her to go for a run and journal, but she just rolled her eyes.” Yes. Because when you're depressed, “go for a run” sounds like “go bench press a rhinoceros.”

Start small. Instead of trying to overhaul their habits, focus on micro-steps:

• Brushed teeth? That’s a win.

• Came to dinner, even if silent? That counts.

• Texted a friend back? We love to see it.

  
  

Celebrate progress, not perfection.

4. Take Care of Yourself Too (Seriously)

You can’t support a struggling teen if you’re running on fumes, shame, and leftover spaghetti.

Get your own support. Whether it’s a therapist, a friend, or a parent support group, you need a place to vent, cry, and ask, “Why does my teen's diet seem to only consist of macaroni and cheese, pizza, and the occassional banana? Is it normal for a teenager to eat only orange foods? ”

It is, by the way.

Final Thoughts (And a Closet Update)

I haven’t had to hide in the closet lately. Not because teens stopped saying intense, challenging things—but because I’ve learned to expect it. To meet it with humor, patience, and grace. (And coffee.)

You, as a parent, can do the same.

You’re not alone. You’re not failing. You’re just parenting through something incredibly difficult—with love, determination, and hopefully some hidden snacks of your own.

So keep showing up. Keep listening. And remember: you don't have all the answers, and that's okay. Sometimes, the most impactful thing a parent can do is simply be there with their teen during difficult times.

If you or your teen are in crisis, don’t wait. Call 988 (Suicide & Crisis Lifeline) or visit your local emergency room.

You’ve got this. Even if it means hiding in a closet sometimes.

Our San Diego, California based counseling practice specializes in helping teens and adults who struggle with anxiety. Through counseling, we help kids and young adults overcome the negative thought cycles, the constant comparison game, and worst-case scenarios that accompany the anxious brain. Additionally, we offer other mental health services, primarily for perfectionists, overachievers or others who don’t feel like they 100% fit in. More specifically we offer treatment for anxiety/OCD, and depression at La Jolla Therapy Center. If you don’t live around San Diego or the commute makes in-person therapy impossible, all of our services are available via online therapy to anyone physically located in California. Therefore, we work with clients from Sacramento to Palo Alto or even Mountain View. You and your family deserve to finally feel less overwhelmed, so let’s get started!