A Teen Therapist’s Guide to Helping Your Kid Survive the College Launch

College students casually enjoying a conversation as they walk out of class, demonstrating the support of family therapy at La Jolla Therapy Center with life transitions.

I had just finished a session with my teen client—a bright, funny, 17-year-old who was about to leave for college. She had color-coded packing lists and a Pinterest board full of dorm inspiration. 

“She brought a plant,” her mom told me later, bemused. “Like, to keep her company. But left half her socks in the laundry basket at home.” Classic.

Her mom was trying her best to stay supportive. Meanwhile, my client was torn between excitement, anxiety, and an overwhelming fear of whether or not she will be able to find her classes on time on the first day of school.”

This, is the messy beauty of launching a teen into college.

As a therapist who works with teens (and their parents), I get a front-row seat to this transition—one that’s often packed with excitement, grief, pride, fear, and the occasional plant. So let me walk you through how to support your teen as they step into this next phase of life—and how to not completely lose your mind in the process.

1. Remember: Emotional Whiplash Is Normal

One moment your teen is doing a victory dance because they got the dorm they wanted. The next, they’re crying because they saw a baby picture of themselves and “don’t want to leave the dog.” This is completely normal.

Leaving for college is a major identity shift. Teens are grieving childhood, even if they don’t have the words for it. They’re scared and excited all at once. So are you. Welcome to emotional whiplash, population: everyone in your house.

Instead of trying to talk them out of their feelings (“You’re going to have so much fun!”), validate them. Say things like:

• “It makes sense that you feel all over the place right now.”

• “I’m proud of you, and I know this is a big transition.”

• “Leaving the dog is a tragedy, honestly.”

  
  

Normalize the emotional chaos. It’s a sign they’re actually thinking deeply about this shift, not just cruising through it.

2. Don’t Make It All About Logistics (Even Though Logistics Are a Lot)

It’s tempting to obsess over what kind of mattress topper they need or how many command hooks are “too many.” And while yes, they will forget something important (probably deodorant), your emotional presence matters more than your checklist wizardry.

Parents often default to logistics because they don’t know how else to help. But sometimes the most supportive thing you can do is sit down, eat a cookie together, and say, “This is a big deal, huh?”

If your teen wants help packing, great. If not, offer gently and let them lead. Remember: this is their launch. You're Mission Control. They’re the astronaut. (And yes, it’s okay if they forget socks.)

3. Let Them Struggle—Lovingly

This is the part parents hate to hear: struggling is good. Not unsafe, not catastrophic—but that awkward, uncomfortable stretch where they have to figure stuff out? That’s where the growth happens.

If they call in tears because they can’t figure out how to drop a class or their roommate eats loudly and breathes like a dragon, listen. Empathize. Ask questions like:

• “What have you tried so far?”

• “Is there someone on campus you can talk to about this?”

• “Do you want advice or just to vent?”

  
  

Resist the urge to fix. Offer support instead of solutions. It can feel heartless at first, but you're helping them build emotional muscle. You don’t go to the gym and say, “These weights are heavy! Better carry them for you!” You cheer them on and remind them they’re getting stronger.

4. Set Expectations for Communication—Then Flex a Bit

Here’s a universal truth: your teen will either call you five times a day, or they will vanish into a textless void and leave you wondering if they’ve joined a traveling circus.

Talk about communication before they leave. Ask:

• “What kind of check-ins feel good to you?”

• “Would you rather a daily text, a Sunday call, or something else?”

• “How will I know you’re okay if I don’t hear from you for a while?”

  
  

Try to agree on a baseline—but be flexible. If they’re pulling back, don’t panic. If they’re calling constantly, don’t shut it down. Just keep the lines open with phrases like:

• “I love hearing from you. Let me know what kind of support feels best.”

• “It’s okay if you’re busy—just shoot me a quick ‘I’m alive’ text now and then.”

  
  

5. Watch for Signs They Might Need More Support

College is a time of rapid change, and it’s not uncommon for mental health struggles to surface during this transition. Most teens will have a few rough days. But if you’re noticing things like:

• Ongoing social withdrawal

• Missed classes or falling grades

• Panic attacks or high anxiety

• Expressions of hopelessness or thoughts of self-harm

  
  

…it’s time to loop in support. Encourage them to visit the campus counseling center. Normalize therapy as a healthy resource, not a last resort. And if needed, reach out to the school yourself to get guidance. It doesn’t mean they’ve failed—it means they’re human.

6. Don’t Forget: You’re Transitioning Too

I’ve worked with dozens of parents who feel lost when their teen leaves. You’ve spent 18 years building a life around keeping them safe and fed and on time for soccer practice. And now? You’re supposed to just… not worry?

Give yourself permission to grieve the shift. It’s okay to miss them. It’s okay to feel aimless. It’s even okay to suddenly organize every drawer in the house just to feel useful.

But don’t forget to reinvest in you. Pick up hobbies you dropped. Reconnect with friends. Take the trip you’ve postponed. Your job as a parent isn’t over—it’s just evolving.

Final Thoughts (And Maybe a Cute Little Plant)

Back to my plant-wielding client. She did fumble her way a bit through her freshman year, but ended up loving college, by the way. She called home when she needed to cry, handled roommate drama with a surprising amount of grace, and eventually remembered her socks.

And her mom? She learned to stop hovering, started a book club, and sent care packages that didn’t include passive-aggressive reminders to do laundry. (Just chocolate and sticky notes that said “You’ve got this.”)

Supporting your teen through the college transition is about connection, not control. It’s about trusting them to rise—and trusting yourself to step back without falling apart.

And if all else fails? Send snacks.

Our San Diego, California based counseling practice specializes in helping teens and adults who struggle with anxiety. Through counseling, we help kids and young adults overcome the negative thought cycles, the constant comparison game, and worst-case scenarios that accompany the anxious brain. Additionally, we offer other mental health services, primarily for perfectionists, overachievers or others who don’t feel like they 100% fit in. More specifically we offer treatment for anxiety/OCD, and depression at La Jolla Therapy Center. If you don’t live around San Diego or the commute makes in-person therapy impossible, all of our services are available via online therapy to anyone physically located in California. Therefore, we work with clients from Sacramento to Palo Alto or even Mountain View. You and your family deserve to finally feel less overwhelmed, so let’s get started!