“It’s Not Just Puppy Love”: Supporting Your Teen or College Student Through a Breakup
- Christina Faddoul-Lucero, LMFT
- Jun 2
- 5 min read
"He won’t even look at his waffles," the mom told me, eyes wide with concern. “Waffles are his favorite.”
As a therapist, I’ve heard a lot of symptoms of heartbreak over the years: sobbing, isolation, Taylor Swift playlists on repeat. But the universal red flag that always makes me take notice?
Loss of interest in food—especially comfort food.
In this case, it was a 17-year-old boy whose first love had ended in dramatic fashion with a text message and an audio message reciting Ed Sheeran lyrics—modern heartbreak is brutal. He was despondent, couldn’t sleep, and for the first time in his life, he wasn’t interested in waffles. His mom didn’t know whether to hug him or throw a syrup-soaked intervention.
This is the stuff of real emotional pain—and for many parents, it’s hard to watch your kid suffer a breakup without wanting to either fix it or downplay it. You might find yourself thinking: “They’re so young. They’ll have other relationships. This isn’t that serious.”
But let me stop you right there. From the perspective of a teen or young adult, a breakup can feel like the end of the world—and in a way, it is the end of a world: the imagined future they had built with that person, the routines and rituals that made them feel safe, the part of their identity that was growing within that relationship.
So how can you support them in a way that actually helps—and doesn’t make them want to slam the door and blast Phoebe Bridgers?
Here’s a therapist’s guide, with a little humor (because sometimes that’s the best medicine after a heartbreak… well, humor and waffles).
1. Don’t Minimize the Pain
Saying things like “There are plenty of fish in the sea” or “You’re too young to be in love anyway” is basically a guarantee that your teen will stop confiding in you and start confiding in their group chat instead.
Even if you know this won’t be their last relationship, it’s important to meet them where they are. Validation goes a long way. Try something like:
“I can see this really hurts.”
“Breakups are the worst, even when you know they’re the right thing.”
“Tell me what happened, if you want to talk about it.”
You don’t have to agree with every romantic decision they made. You just need to be a safe place to land when they’re hurting.
2. Let Them Feel It (Yes, Even the Dramatic Crying on the Bathroom Floor)
Teen and young adult brains are still developing their emotional regulation systems. So when they say, “I’ll never love anyone like that again,” they actually believe it. And they need space to feel that grief without being rushed through it.
So if they need to sob in their room for a while, let them. If they want to write sad poetry or make an 8-hour Spotify breakup playlist, great. These are the tools of catharsis.
But if it’s been weeks and they’re not sleeping, eating, or showing up for daily responsibilities, that’s a sign they may need more support (possibly professional—more on that later).
3. Help Them Rebuild Their Identity
Young people often lose themselves a bit in relationships (and let’s be honest, adults do too). A breakup can leave them feeling unmoored. Help them reconnect with who they are outside of that relationship.
That might mean:
Encouraging them to try a new hobby or class.
Supporting a fun social event or trip.
Revisiting activities they used to love before the relationship.
Bonus points if you can get in on the fun. One dad I worked with learned to play Fortnite just to help his son feel like himself again. Was he good at it? Absolutely not. But was it hilarious and bonding? Yep.
4. Model Healthy Emotional Coping
Your teen or young adult is watching how you handle emotional distress. Do you bottle it up? Rage clean the kitchen? Dissociate via Netflix?
Modeling doesn’t mean you have to perform emotional perfection. It just means showing that it’s okay to feel big emotions and find healthy ways to process them.
Try saying things like:
“I remember when I went through a tough breakup. It helped to journal and talk to my friends.”
“It’s okay to be sad. And you won’t feel this way forever.”
Let them see you as someone who can handle hard emotions—not fix them, but hold space for them.
5. Watch for Red Flags
Most heartbreak doesn’t need therapy. But sometimes, it does. If you notice any of the following lasting more than two weeks, consider reaching out to a mental health professional:
Major changes in eating or sleeping habits
Expressions of hopelessness or worthlessness
Withdrawal from friends and activities
Self-harm or talk of suicide
Even if it doesn’t seem “that bad,” if you’re worried, trust your gut. A therapist can help your teen or young adult process the breakup in a safe, constructive way—and help you know how to support them at home.
6. Be the Waffle
Okay, hear me out. Waffles are comforting, warm, and exactly the thing you crave when you feel like the world has collapsed. In other words, be the waffle.
Offer steady love. Be soft and supportive on the inside, a little crispy around the edges if they’re spiraling into self-destructive behavior, and absolutely drenched in metaphorical syrup (translation: compassion).
Because breakups hurt. And while you can’t make the pain disappear, you can make sure they know they’re not alone in it.
And sometimes? That’s better than any breakup song on TikTok.
Final Thoughts
Breakups are messy. They’re painful. They’re also a deeply human experience that builds emotional resilience. If you approach your teen or young adult with empathy, patience, and a willingness to walk beside them—not lecture from ahead—you’ll help them learn one of life’s most valuable skills: how to grieve, heal, and grow stronger on the other side.
Also: don’t underestimate the power of waffles.
Our San Diego, California based counseling practice specializes in helping teens and adults who struggle with anxiety. Through counseling, we help kids and young adults overcome the negative thought cycles, the constant comparison game, and worst-case scenarios that accompany the anxious brain. Additionally, we offer other mental health services, primarily for perfectionists, overachievers or others who don’t feel like they 100% fit in. More specifically we offer treatment for anxiety/OCD, and depression at La Jolla Therapy Center. If you don’t live around San Diego or the commute makes in-person therapy impossible, all of our services are available via online therapy to anyone physically located in California. Therefore, we work with clients from Sacramento to Palo Alto or even Mountain View. You and your family deserve to finally feel less overwhelmed, so let’s get started!
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