Feeling Stuck in Life in Your 30s? Here’s What You’re Not Being Told

Woman appears unsure of herself as she goes to work. Working with a therapist at La Jolla Therapy Center can help you navigate through the uncertainty.

“I feel like everyone else is moving forward—marriages, promotions, babies, dream houses. And I’m just... stuck. Still trying to figure out what I’m doing, still second-guessing every decision. I thought I’d feel more together by now.”

“This isn’t what I pictured my life would look like by now.”

Being in your 30s can feel like walking through wet cement—feeling stuck. Aware that you should be moving forward, but unsure which direction is right, and feeling like every step is heavier than it used to be. Whether you’re single, partnered, parenting, job-hopping, or rooted in a career, this decade often surprises people with an unexpected emotional weight.

So if you’re in your 30s and feeling stuck, you’re not alone. And no, nothing is “wrong” with you.

Let’s explore why this happens and what you can do about it.

The Pressure Cooker of Expectations

From a young age, we’re fed a pretty defined and linear script:

Go to school → Pick a career → Find a partner → Get married → Buy a house → Have kids → Be successful (and happy)

By the time we hit our 30s, many of us expect to have checked at least a few of these boxes. And when life doesn’t follow the script—when you're not sure about your career, you’re single, your relationships are rocky, or you're wondering if you even want the traditional path—it can feel like you’re falling behind or spinning your wheels.

But behind who? That’s where the comparison trap sneaks in.

Social media doesn’t help. We scroll through engagement announcements, travel photos, career wins, and curated glimpses of other people’s lives—then silently judge ourselves for not being “as far along.” The truth is, you're comparing your full, messy, in-progress life to someone else's highlight reel.

So it’s no surprise that by your 30s, when expectations are louder and timelines feel tighter, that you might start questioning everything.

Identity Shifts and Reality Checks

Your 30s are often when the dust starts to settle from your 20s. You’ve had time to try a few things, fail at a few things, maybe even outgrow some dreams you used to hold dear. You may be reevaluating friendships, questioning your relationship (or lack of one), or realizing that the career you worked so hard to build doesn’t actually make you happy.

That’s not failure—it’s growth and change. But this often feels uncomfortable.

Here are some common stuck points I see with clients in their 30s:

• “I chose this career in my 20s, but now I’m not sure I want it.”

• “Everyone else is having kids. Do I want that, or do I just feel pressure?”

• “I thought I’d be more financially stable by now.”

• “I’ve changed, but the people around me haven’t—and I don’t know what to do about that.”

• "Will I really be able to afford buying a house?"

• “I don’t even know what I want anymore.”

What’s really happening here isn’t that you’re stuck. It’s that you’re in a transition—between who you were and who you’re becoming. But because that in-between space is unfamiliar, it feels like being lost.

You’re Not Behind, You’re Becoming

It’s easy to believe that life should be a straight path upward. In reality, it’s more like a squiggly line, full of reroutes, detours, pauses, and recalibrations. Feeling stuck doesn’t mean you’re doing life wrong—it often means you're becoming more honest with yourself.

Your 30s can bring:

• Clarity about what doesn’t work for you anymore

• Discomfort as you let go of old roles, habits, or relationships

• Fear about starting over or taking risks

• Grief for the life you thought you’d have

• Freedom to redefine what success and happiness actually mean

These aren’t signs of failure. They’re signs that you’re thinking deeply about your life—and that’s actually a good thing.

What You Can Do When You Feel Stuck

1. Name the Feeling

Start by being honest with yourself. You might feel unmotivated, frustrated, disconnected, or restless. Write it down. Call It out. Say it out loud. Talk to someone. Naming the emotion helps reduce the shame that often comes with it.

2. Challenge the Timeline

Ask yourself: Where did I get the idea that I had to do X by age Y? Many of our expectations come from family, culture, or comparison—not from what we actually want. Take a moment to figure out which goals are yours and which ones you've inherited.

3. Focus on One Small Step

Big life decisions can feel paralyzing. Instead of trying to “figure it all out,” ask yourself, What’s one small thing I can do this week to move in the direction I want to go? That might be updating your resume, signing up for a class, having an honest conversation, budgeting, or journaling your values. Small shifts lead to big change.

4. Give Yourself Permission to Redefine

You’re allowed to change your mind. You’re allowed to grow out of old dreams. You’re allowed to pursue things that don’t make sense to other people. Your life doesn’t have to follow anyone else’s template to be meaningful.

5. Consider Support

Sometimes feeling stuck comes from deeper emotional patterns—like perfectionism, people-pleasing, burnout, or fear of failure. Therapy can help unpack those layers and give you tools to move forward. You don’t have to do it alone.

Final Thoughts: Working through Feeling Stuck in your 30s

If you’re in your 30s and feeling stuck, I want you to hear this clearly: You are not behind. You are not broken. You are not failing.

You are in the middle of becoming. And becoming is messy. It takes time. It often requires shedding what no longer fits so you can make space for something new.

This phase of life isn’t about hitting milestones—it’s about creating a life that’s actually yours. One that’s rooted in your values, what you want for yourself, and your life—not someone else’s expectations.

So give yourself grace. Get curious about what matters most to you. Take the pressure off needing to have it all figured out. You’re still building—just in deeper, more intentional ways.

And that, in itself, is progress.

Our San Diego, California based counseling practice specializes in helping teens and adults who struggle with anxiety. Through counseling, we help kids and young adults overcome the negative thought cycles, the constant comparison game, and worst-case scenarios that accompany the anxious brain. Additionally, we offer other mental health services, primarily for perfectionists, overachievers or others who don’t feel like they 100% fit in. More specifically we offer treatment for anxiety/OCD, and depression at La Jolla Therapy Center. If you don’t live around San Diego or the commute makes in-person therapy impossible, all of our services are available via online therapy to anyone physically located in California. Therefore, we work with clients from Sacramento to Palo Alto or even Mountain View. You and your family deserve to finally feel less overwhelmed. Get started today by scheduling your free phone consultation with a member of our team here.